This is hard for me to write. My experience in Walmart made me feel embarrassed, gullible and arrogant. I don’t like feeling any of those things. I certainly don’t want to be those things. Self reflection was forced on me which caused me to become reacquainted with Aristotle’s Golden Mean. But first, Walmart.

Walmart Will Test Your Virtue

My daughter and I went on a quick trip to Walmart so she could pick out ice cream flavors for her birthday. As she reached for a raspberry cheesecake container, a woman with a baby strapped to her chest stopped and asked if I could buy the items in her cart. I glanced over and saw a small pile tucked into the corner, mostly obscured by a folded baby blanket. She showed me a note on her phone explaining that she was a refugee, spoke little English, and was struggling to make ends meet. She seemed sympathetic, so I agreed.

At the self-service register, I scanned her items: a baby blanket for $14, apple juice for $3.99, and a onesie for $5.99. Then came the baby formula—it fit for a woman with a baby. But after scanning three tubs, I glanced at the total and saw it had climbed into the hundreds. The red flags were silently waving in my mind. I was familiar with the expensive baby formula scam, and suddenly, her nervousness made more sense. Even her English had noticeably improved.

The jig should have been up, but I didn’t stop it. I could have simply said, “I’m sorry, I can’t afford this.” I could have called over an employee to void the transaction. I knew I was being scammed, but I paid for it anyway. The woman grabbed the receipt from the machine and hurriedly walked out of the store. Why hadn’t I done something? I was angry at myself and embarrassed to tell my wife.

My wife later spoke to a Walmart manager, who confirmed they were aware of the woman and her hustle. She had pulled the same stunt on several other people that week. Losing that money during an already tight Christmas was hard, but what troubled me more was not fully understanding the decisions I had made.

Aristotle Badgers Me In The Car

On the ride home from Walmart, I tried to make sense of what happened. Aristotle’s Golden Mean came to mind. He explains this concept in his work Nicomachean Ethics:

Virtue, then, is a state of character concerned with choice, lying in a mean, i.e., the mean relative to us, this being determined by reason and in the way in which the man of practical wisdom would determine it. Now it is a mean between two vices, that which depends on excess and that which depends on defect; and again it is a mean because the vices respectively fall short of or exceed what is right in both passions and actions, while virtue both finds and chooses that which is intermediate.

Aristotle is saying that a virtue, rather than being the opposite of a vice, lies between two vices (the midpoint of an excess and a deficiency). Rather than looking at selfishness as the opposite of generosity or charity, we can envision charity lying on a spectrum between selfishness and recklessness.

This somewhat ridiculous AI image illustrates the point of the extremes–the two vices. The man on the left who fears being taken advantage of and never gives any money. And the man on the right who recklessly throws his money around without any scrutiny even possibly to a grifter.

Panhandlers And Cynicism

Early in my career I worked for a company in downtown Salt Lake City. A couple times a week I would walk from a big office tower to another building a couple blocks down on South Temple. Two co-workers and I made the trip to meet with another group in our department which took us along a path where panhandlers hung out.

We usually encountered the same people asking for money. Some had signs explaining they were stranded and needed gas money–but they had been there every day for months. We saw some working in cooperative shifts, transferring signs and cups to others at lunchtime. Some would swear at people who didn’t give them money. Others were quiet and gracious.

My two co-workers were rude to all of them– sometimes berating them for not having a job. Once I got a lecture about how your money would just buy drugs for them. One notorious pan handler dressed in homemade robes as if he was out of a nativity scene. He sang hymns near the crosswalk and gave people the creeps. Months later I would see his picture on the local news as the suspect who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart.

The criticisms of my co-workers were probably right in some cases. Many panhandlers weren’t deserving of other’s money. What nagged at me was the cynicism and self-righteousness in how they talked about it. I didn’t want to be like that. But over the years I’ve struggled with how to balance being charitable without getting taken.

Mormon Overlap With Aristotle?

There are parallels in Mormonism to Aristotle’s Golden Mean. We talk frequently about moderation, temperance and avoiding extremes. Doctrine and Covenants 59:20 says: “And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion.”

In Alma 42:15 it says: “And thus God bringeth about his great and eternal purposes, and also his justice and his mercy.” There is balancing going on here between demands of justice and mercy.

Joseph Smith taught about weighing faith with works. Brigham Young states, “…rightly govern these bodies and keep them in perfect subjection to the spirit”–implying that we should avoid extremes in how we manage spiritual and physical needs.

More recently Neal Maxwell writes: “What matters is to be balanced and to be in tune, to avoid fanaticism as much as to avoid cynicism, to not take ourselves so seriously that we are undone when things don’t go perfectly, and to not laugh ourselves silly over inconsequential things.” Dieter Uchtdorf in a similar vein says, “It is not requisite that we run faster than we have strength. But it is important that we do not run faster than we are able. As we walk the path of discipleship, let us not complicate things unnecessarily.”

Haunting Memories and Mixed Virtues

My panhandler dilemma was playing out in my subconscious at Walmart. But life is complicated. We never operate with only one virtue being tested at once. I was so preoccupied with the fear of falling too far toward the selfish and uncaring end of the charity spectrum that I missed another test entirely—the test of courage.

The stakes were low when I thought I was buying a blanket and some apple juice but when I realized the cost was being concealed, I didn’t have the confidence to self-correct. The virtue changed from charity to courage and I didn’t notice it. I leaned too far toward cowardice. Part of setting boundaries in life is knowing when to say “No.” That can change in a moment and requires a person to be clear in their own head what to do when it happens.

My wife jokingly tells me that I can’t go back to Walmart. But I have to. Now I know what to do in this situation and I’d love to test my new resolve. The truth is that I will likely never encounter this same situation because life rarely throws the same type of curve ball. Whatever the next situation demands, I hope I’ll be charitable enough to say “Yes” and courageous enough to say “No.” But really, I hope I can just get my daughter some New York Super Fudge Chunk and get home in under $10.